SoulSeesBest - Handmade craft by a man whose soul sees better than his eyes do. Visually challenged mixed media based in Southwestern USA. Primitive Clay Pottery, Sculpture, and Paint. www.soulseesbest.writerjoshua.com
Keratoconus
I've been looking for something like this for years. Although I'm legally blind, I'm blessed to be able to correct my vision significantly enough that participating in the world is somewhat possible. I can read a book, surf the web, watch movies, and even do photography. However, in order to do any of that, I must first rely on something outside of myself. For many years, that meant contact lenses. As my condition progressed, I was prescribed hard contacts and over time they began to do more damage than good. I was constantly in pain and if I didn't want to be, I would have to choose poor vision over comfort and relief.
Every day became a struggle. Before I qualified for disability, the first thing I had to do every morning was shove pieces of plastic into my already irritated eyes. On the odd day off, I could choose not to wear contacts but, that meant I couldn't drive a car, or use a computer, or even go for walk. If I didn't take the occasional "naked eye" day, the irritation would build I could end up with an infection. As my condition progressed, it meant that my eyes could no longer benefit from glasses of any shape or size. It was either sharp pain and be a productive member of society, or lay in bed all day listening to music.
After an unfortunate breakage, insurance coverage woes, and mounting eye pressure, I spent most of two years without any vision correction, at all, before participating in a few medical trials with uncomfortable lense varieties. Persistence has always been a strong suit of mine, though. While I never did get to drive a car again, I did figure out how to do many of the things I loved without the benefit of sight. Very carefully, I began to cook. Very slowly, I began to take long walks, even jogging on familiar terrain. Believe it or not, I even played a little soccer. I actually found a sense of freedom without wearing lenses. I took up photography, started making music, and even studied social media and marketing.
While I do appreciate the benefit of disability insurance, and not having to go to work every day, I wish I didn't need it. I enjoyed getting some rest but, I'm just not a lazy person. I can veg out for a day or two, or relax on a vacation like anyone else but, I need to be doing something productive. Not to mention, without a paycheck my financial status leaves a lot to be desired. I remember thinking to myself quite often, how happy I would be to find something that I could do without the need for lenses.
I used to work in the kitchen but, without lenses, it wouldn't be safe for anyone. I can play sports but, baseball seems a little scary without eyes. I'm a decent writer but, how long would it take me to proofread everything without proper vision? Not to mention, how could I get to one of these jobs without being able to drive? (I know, I know. Public transportation is an option but, where I live, it's not very reliable. That's another discussion.) Also, who would take a chance on hiring me anyway, when there are plenty of other applicants who can see?
However, there's a decent amount of good news. In 2022, I had a corneal transplant in one eye. It didn't fix my vision outright but, it made it possible to wear glasses again. Which is sort of a game changer as, my eyes were taking quite the beating from the last set of contact lenses I was wearing. I'm still searching for someone to do the other eye. Until then, I'm still significantly legally blind.
Clay
I remember an assignment in middle school. We were studying Mesopotamia. Before writing became a significant skill, people would carry around cylinders inscribed with a unique seal. It worked much like a rubber stamp. When a document was to be notarized or ownership was to be denoted, one could apply their seal to clay by rolling it on. It would leave an impression that everyone could look at to identify ownership. We made one out of clay. Everything about that particular World History class has stuck with me over the years, Ancient Egypt, World War II, etc.
Fast forward to 2017: Assassin's Creed Origins, an open world video game based in Ancient Egypt during the rule of King Ptolemy, is released. It rekindled much of my interest in history, particularly in art and architecture. (The subsequent release of Assassin's Creed Odyssey, set in Ancient Greece, would only solidify this interest.) Growing up in the Southwest US, and spending a lot of time in New Mexico over the years, has given me an appreciation for Native American culture, as well. I found my fair share of pottery shards while spending summers wandering the desert with my cousins. One of my prized possessions in a tiny clay pot that whispered with horse hair while it was still hot in the fire, making for some interesting designs. I picked it up on one of the many trips from California to New Mexico. In Arizona, there's something called "The Thing" on Interstate 10. You should see what it is...
Epiphany
This summer, 2024, it finally called to me. I have been gardening for many years. I've been designing a small business selling propagated plants on the side. With sustainability a priority, I've been searching for the most eco-friendly and efficient ways to store and transport these plants. I would like to get away from plastics but, biodegradable containers can get quite expensive. That's when I remembered the ancient pottery. If something as simple as baked mud can become an eco friendly solution, why not give that a try? I found some Play-Doh and began experimenting with it. Before long, I had some air dry clay and was trying get familiar with it.
The first few attempts were frustrating. It was really hot so, the clay was drying out quickly. So to compensate, I used water but then, it became too soft and wouldn't hold its shape. I acquired a child's pottery wheel to see what that might be like. It runs on a battery so, it's not very strong. I broke it on the first try. I kept watching videos about ancient pottery and clay (I compiled quite a collection of helpful videos in this Ancient Pottery playlist on YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Z6Phn0HlBI&list=PL4pzbFPzUQpbs8VvtGxX833EWRvQAZyJz&pp=gAQBiAQB) but, I couldn't quite make the connection. Whenever I learn a new skill, I know I've got it when that "something clicks moment" happens.
I sat down at my desk, determined to figure it out. If ancient people could perfect it without the internet and technology, surely I could manage a simple plant pot. I even set up a few cameras to try and document my progress. That way, I can watch it back and see if I notice anything helpful. I was lucky enough to catch that moment. After an hour or so of frustration, something clicked. I don't need to see this with my eyes. Everything I need to know about it is in my hands. I recalled that sense of freedom that comes from my eyes being in a completely natural state. I tend to analyze everything thoroughly, especially when trying to learn a new skill but, without sharply focusing on endless details, my artistic mind is free to see the bigger picture. It's what took the pressure off when I began to practice photography freely. It's what relieved so much of my social anxiety. In that moment, with the clay in my hands, I remembered that feeling and took off my glasses.
This was that moment. I can do this without the added stress on my eyes. It would help to able to see without sticking my nose in the clay but, I had found that feeling I had been longing for, for so long.
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Sincerely yours,
Joshua Lucero
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